The Importance of “Feeling All the Feelings”

Mindfulness

May 1

In today's fast-paced, “get over it” culture, there’s a narrative that’s been floating around for years: to ignore your emotions, stuff them down, and push forward. But here's the truth: not allowing yourself to feel all your feelings is like ignoring the smoke detector when it’s going off. It’s there to tell you something. Spoiler alert: Emotions, all of them, are important. Whether you're angry, sad, ecstatic, or just plain blah—embracing the full spectrum of human emotion is critical for your mental, emotional, and even physical health.

Emotions 101: What’s the Deal?

We all know that we feel emotions, but do you ever stop to wonder why? Emotions are evolutionary signals—much like hunger tells us when it’s time to eat, emotions inform us about our needs, boundaries, and reactions to the world around us. According to neuropsychologists, emotions are the brain’s way of communicating with you. Feeling sad? Your brain is telling you that something in your environment or life situation isn’t aligned with your expectations or desires. Feeling joy? It’s signaling that things are going well.

Ignoring emotions can cause more harm than good. Studies suggest that suppressing emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues like high blood pressure or heart problems (Gross & Levenson, 1997). So, yes, bottling up your feelings isn’t just bad for your mood; it’s bad for your body too.

The Science of Feeling Your Feelings

You might be thinking, “But some feelings are uncomfortable. Shouldn’t I want to get rid of them?” While it’s natural to want to skip past unpleasant emotions, research shows that avoiding them can intensify negative feelings. A study published in Psychological Science found that accepting negative emotions—like stress or sadness—can lead to better psychological health in the long term (Ford et al., 2018).

When we allow ourselves to experience feelings fully, our brains actually process and move through them quicker. The key is to label the emotion—whether it’s frustration, joy, or fear. According to a study by UCLA psychologists, naming your emotions can calm down the emotional center of your brain (Lieberman et al., 2007). By labeling your feelings, you take control, reducing the emotional chaos.

Emotional Intelligence: The Superpower of Feeling

The ability to recognize and manage emotions is known as emotional intelligence (EI). Those with high emotional intelligence are better at handling stress, resolving conflicts, and maintaining healthier relationships. But here’s the kicker—EI isn’t something you’re just born with; it’s a skill you can develop. And the first step? Yep, you guessed it: feeling all the feelings.

When you allow yourself to feel your emotions fully, you’re building emotional resilience. Emotions become less overwhelming, and you’re better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs. Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean fixing every feeling but understanding and managing them.

The Joy of Feeling Joy

Now that we’ve talked about the tough stuff, let’s not forget to fully experience positive emotions too! People often rush through happiness or excitement, downplaying their achievements or brushing aside moments of joy. However, research shows that savoring positive emotions can increase life satisfaction and well-being (Bryant & Veroff, 2007).

Feeling your feelings means basking in the good stuff just as much as navigating the bad. So, the next time you feel joy, take a moment to fully appreciate it—let yourself live in that positive space before life inevitably moves you on to the next moment.

Practical Tips for Feeling It All

Name it to tame it: As mentioned earlier, labeling emotions can help calm the brain. Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, simply saying “I’m feeling anxious” can reduce the intensity of that emotion.
Feel without judgment: Remember, there are no “bad” emotions. Feeling anger or sadness doesn’t make you a negative person. Let yourself experience the full spectrum without self-criticism.
Take a break if you need: If an emotion feels too overwhelming, it’s okay to take a step back. Try breathing exercises or go for a walk before returning to process how you feel.
Share your feelings: Talking about your emotions with a trusted friend or therapist can provide clarity and support. Sometimes, simply saying things out loud can make them feel more manageable.

Conclusion: Embrace the Feels

In a world that tells you to “stay positive” all the time, don’t be afraid to challenge that narrative. Feeling all the feelings is not only okay—it’s essential. So the next time you’re feeling down, frustrated, or even overjoyed, take a moment to let it wash over you. Remember, the path to mental health isn’t about being happy all the time—it’s about being human.

References:

Bryant, F. B. & Veroff, J. (2007). Savoring: A new model of positive experience. Psychology Press.

Ford, B. Q., Lam, P., John, O. P., & Mauss, I. B. (2018). The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts: Laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115(6), 1075-1092.

Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106(1), 95-103.

Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421-428.